My Soul Has Opened Up

It's been a few years ago, but Oprah interviewed the writer of One Day My Soul Just Opened Up. She just bragged and bragged about how wonderful this book was. So, I bought it. I read some of it and didn't care for it. Since then, I have grown and matured as well as been through more trails in life. As we officially began our adoption journey this weekend, I can't help but continually think to myself that exact phrase...my soul just opened up.

Saturday, Kevin and I sat through 8 hours of our first PRIDE classes which are mandatory for foster or adoptive parents. In the class we were asked to participate in some group activities as well as some personal exploration. I expected some of that, and I am thankful for the great group of people who are in these classes with us. But, there were some things I didn't expect too. I even found myself emotional at points.

Since these were our first classes, I expected them to be rather informational and broad. Much to my surprise, it was so much more. Having the desire to adopt since I was 5 years old, and being the kind of person I am, I have done my research. I knew what kind of issues come along with adopting from the state of Texas. I expected to deal with neglect, physical abuse and sexual abuse, but there is so much more to it.

I didn't think about how the minds of children operate, how they would want to go back to the way things were, no matter how bad, because they missed their parents and that is all they have ever known. I didn't think about how these biological parents are not horrible people, they are people like you and me, with just more problems. Problems that I can not fathom to understand. And I am signing up to take their child from them forever.

I have often put myself in the shoes of a woman who has chosen adoption in lieu of abortion, but never in the shoes of someone who loves their child, they just don' t know how to get off the drugs, or deal with anger properly, or just not find enough work to make enough money for food. The masks of these villains came off in this class and these people became parents. Many of these people are victims of circumstance. How can I be so judgemental when my circumstances could have easily been just as horrible? I lucked out.

Kevin and I went into this with never wanting to have contact with the birth parents. We would see children with biological family contact and say that child was not for us, but it's not about just us. A child somewhere out there has been hurt beyond my imagination and it's going to be my job, as his parent to ease the hurt. How is taking them away from the only family he's ever known accomplishing that? Of course, it will depend on the people involved and the situation, but there is so much more to it than we expected.

So, I began putting a Biblical spin on the situation, as I often do. None of my children are truly mine, they belong to God. In a sense, they are adopted as well. Don't they deserve to know their real Father? To know where they come from? Isn't it my job to make sure they know their Father loves them and has trusted me to care for them until He decides to call us all home? As hard as that is to swallow, it's not about me, it's about them. It's about making these children into wonderful world-changing Christians who have a wonderful relationship with their Father.

We have 6 more Saturdays of 8 hour classes to attend. I can only imagine when we get into the really deep topics how much more I will learn about people and about myself. God works in peculiar ways sometimes. I have wanted to adopt to change the life of a child, and in turn, I am being changed before a child ever has entered the picture. What a wonderful soul opening emotional journey we are on. I know that God will guide us through this and make us stronger better beings because of it.

Thank you Lord for your lessons, especially those that are unexpected. Sometimes those lessons open my heart and my mind more effectively. I know you are constantly working on me, as I am a work in progress, but it is good for me to recognize the changes from time to time. Thank you for allowing me to care and nurture and love your children here on earth, for they are my greatest joy. I ask for your guidance as we raise them to become a Godly people. Thank you for all of your many blessings we have received from you, both great and small. Thank you for the sacrifice of Your Son. I can not imagine such sacrifice. Your plan is amazing and I am so thankful for the opportunity to benefit from it. Please give me the strength to get through the tough times and the words to praise you in any storm. Please help me to always remember how far I've come and how much further I have to go. Thank you for how important I am to you as you are always there by my side. Please help me to share your word with those around me. Help me to always be an example to my children and to everyone who comes in contact with me. Help me to radiate on the outside what wonderful things you have done on the inside of me. Forgive me, please Lord, for all my many sins. Thank you for making me perfect again by forgetting all I have done wrong. I love you Lord. It's in you precious Son's holy name I pray, Amen.